i hate lines.

every time i sit down to write, all i see in my head is a blank page.
no pen in sight...no hand to form the words...no thoughts or emotions to color naked meaning.


i'm waiting for the dam to break.
stagnant water is no good for a hungry soul...

there are only lines. sharp lines, planes, linear thought and movement.
the absence of decoration is quite striking.
bland, pale, everything primitive.
why won't they come?

emotives unstable you're like an unwinding cable car
no i'm not emo thank you...
just a little confused.
where'd it all go?
the lines are unwelcoming. i need more than this.
surely i can find it somewhere....

but the search proves unsuccessful.
the pressure's finally building up (thank God)
but the dam's stronger than i thought.
please, please, please break.
i need the comforting shatter, the piercing scream of everything as it flows through me again.
at this rate, i may become a vampire.

just so you know...

I AM TIRED OF THE OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF STUPID DIET ADS ON EVERY FREAKIN WEBSITE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET.






(the end)

it's getting colder....

today is perfect.

it's freezing, gloomy, raining, aaaaaaaand the beginning of another school week.

but for some reason i like it.

Maybe it's because i found a comfy sweater and a BRAND NEW pair of red Keds at the goodwill...i was pretty excited. :]
Or maybe because it's a new week- in some sense the mark of a new beginning. New adventures, maybe new friends, new challenges. Both intimidating and refreshing at the same time.
Or maybe it's just because I'm a sentimental teenager who loves curling up in a blanket and listening to good music on cold, rainy days.

:]


hmm. i feel so uncreative right now. It's kind of bothering me.

like sometimes i get these periods of time where I can't create a thing unless it's a school assignment. I think it bottles up for a while until at the most unconventional times it bursts out of nowhere in a poem, drawing, painting, or all three. Like in math class last year. Or photography class this year. My teacher was talking about something that didn't really apply to me, then suddenly i had this CRAZY urge to write and draw. So i did. I probably looked possessed. I think he got annoyed but i couldn't help it, i swear.


mmm i love fall. the food is so GOOD. sweet potatoes, apples, pumpkins, pies, breads, apple cider....

i don't really feel like writing anything particularly deep and philosophical. I'll save that for my history and psychology tests and projects right now. which i should probably work on.

goodbye :)

older stuff

so i pulled some of my poems that i wrote last year out of my pocket (literally....not really), and decided to post a few. just for fun =]

this one i wrote purposely in the style of e. e. cummings for a project that i did in English last year, and decided i liked it. [btw- i LOVE e. e. cummings]

The stripes on the burning wall
show pain
s c a tt e r ed
in your (bleedingalive) eyes
Lights burn flashing colors ever-
seeing
(Granted I never knew)
Standing outside always
in the dark I see you
helpless
Thrashing; everyone knows strength
is weakness
and versa vice
But it still hurts lonely nights
dreams
Who's never to blame for such
animosity?
My frozen hand on your burning brow
you roar
I flinch (and vice versa)
Healing rain always comes the
drought falls
in yellow flashes-
for what knowledge can withstand
this
power notwithstanding
Here alone
again it falls
again it flows (peace joy come
now)



i just figured out that this blog won't let people cut and paste stuff from Word so i had to retype that...which wasn't that big of a deal but the other one i was going to post is prettty long so until i get smart and figure out a way to post it i guess that's all for now!

and for some strange reason it won't center the poem. which is half the point of it anyway- about how the poem reads visually and all that. hm.

oh well. i have lots of homework anyway.

as the glass darkens...

some people know this, but in case you don't, a lot of what i write isn't for me. as in, they're not really my own thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. God gives me words and I write them.

so i guess this poem is for someone, i just don't know who.



Images tumble through my head
like desert grass on a summer's day
as i spend yet another chunk of my
only existence longing for what was, what
used to be. used. All of what i did, all of what
i am can so complexly be summed up
in that one simplest word.
Why did i take what was for granted?
The smile of a shining rainbow that rejoices
in the freshness of a just-cleaned earth;
the sound of the winds playfully racing each
other around the world through trees, fields,
and the city bustle; the simple yet sheer
comfort of a sympathetic voice on the other
end of the phone as yet another piece of my
world crashes in front of my despairing sight.
They all left me, though, once They found out who i was,
what i did. USED.

More than anything, i deserved Their judgment.
The tears, the pointing fingers, the poisonous
whips lashing from Their mouths onto my
torn body. All was needed, all was deserved.
They showed me again and again who i was and told
me to never again drag my rotting corpse
into Their presence.

My stomach is now the only sane part
of my existence. I do its bidding,
therefore, i stay alive. It, too, however has
learned only too well the boundaries of
this glass hole i have so connivingly dug
for my only self.

Tried, judged, condemned.

By all the me's, you's, they's, them's, and
everyone's i ever knew. so
here i am.
each day the glass grows a little darker,
a touch smokier, a degree harder to see through.
They were once clear, at the beginning.
Now They have retreated to the outer shadows
of the world i see through my smoke-glazed
eyes.
They still hate me. That's all i know
of Them. The conspiracies They still whisper
reach my heart, not my ears.
But i have forgotten words, forgotten language
in even the most primal sense, so I don't
know how to tell Them i've forgiven Them.
They will never know how I really feel as i wait in
my onlyness for the world around me to turn the color
that my heart once was.